Josh has consistently stated over the past few weeks that when I graduate, he’s going to go wherever I have to go to get a job. Yesterday, I quite casually mentioned to Josh that if I knew I was going to get a job in New York after school (I go to NYU), he could just move up there with me this fall and we’d get a head start on it. To my surprise, he asked me where we’d live. Still only half-serious, I told him I would drop university housing and we could find an apartment together. Then he told me that it might be a good solution to a potential problem over the next few months.

See, Josh lives with his older brother, Bobby, who is also in a long-distance relationship. Now I don’t know the details, but from what I understand, Bobby’s girlfriend basically said she either wants Bobby to move up with her, or she wants to break it off. Bobby is crazy for this woman, and if he moved out, Josh couldn’t afford all the bills at the house they share by himself. So he’d need somewhere else to go.

I am quite aware that moving in together is a big step. By the time that happened, we’ll have been a couple a little over a year, actually being together only half of that year. Call me crazy, but I’m really, really excited about this. I can think of nothing better than living with Josh in New York, even if we are dirt broke living in a shitty studio apartment in the south Bronx.

I told him I was all for it and could start looking at apartments (when in fact I had already begun hunting through Craig’s List at the first mention). Then, he seemed to step back a bit. He told me not to put myself in a bind, because if I cancel my NYU housing, there’s no getting it back. I told him even if something happened where he didn’t move up there, I could still find a roommate and afford non-NYU housing.

But I think he’s scared. He’s not as ready as I am. He loves his car (which might not be practical to own, depending on where we live), he honestly hates big cities and crowds of people, and he’s never lived away from his family. I’ve dealt with all these things for the past three years; him moving up there with me is just a bonus in the situation for me. But for him, it’s a total life change, and I can totally understand his hesitation.

I’d tell him right now I want to live with him forever and ever can’timaginelifewithouthim pleasecomebewithmeinnewyork. But I don’t want him to feel pressured to come live with me. Being apart sucks major balls, but I can deal with it for another year. But to be truthful, I could only deal with it for another year. If I got a job in New York after I graduate, and he was still hesitant about moving up there with me.. well, I was going to say there would be problems. But who am I kidding? I’d fuck the job and go back to Kentucky to be with him.

I am that crazy for this man.

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