Dear Josh,

As of this evening, we have been together eight months. That doesn’t seem like a very long time, does it? I guess it really isn’t. That’s not even enough time to have a baby (and let’s thank Bob that we haven’t done that yet). The reason I can feel it hasn’t been that long is because I can still vividly remember the details of our first date. I’m sure someday they will fade, and I’ll have to refer back to my typed memoirs to remind myself. But I won’t ever forget the day: July 26th, 2007.

This particular month has been quite an exciting - and at times, emotionally draining - one. In the last days of February, you were preparing for your first trip on a plane - out of the country and overseas, no less! You were so incredibly nervous, and I was afraid that something would go wrong and scar you for life. In retrospect, I should never have let you get on a plane for the first time, nearly 4000 miles across the globe, by yourself. You didn’t ask me to, you’d say. I know I didn’t, but that’s beside the point. You were flying across the world to Dublin to see me, and I was too selfish to stop you. I wanted you all to myself. I could’ve come back home, but we both know we would never have been alone in that situation. I could’ve stopped you, but well, I might have died before I made it to May without holding you in my arms.

As luck would have it, your first flight was a nightmare. Your first flight from Indianapolis to Chicago was late, so you missed your connection to Europe and had to spend $120 on a hotel in Chi-town. What’s worse was that, since international telecommunications are just out of my budget right now, you had no way of contacting me to tell me this. So I spent the next morning worrying, wondering where you were. When you finally arrived 24 hours later than originally planned, I still couldn’t find you. You poor thing, you were stuck at Trinity College in the freezing wind without a jacket until I finally found you two hours later. I cried a lot, because I was so relieved to have found you. You just wanted to get warm and take a nap, and that was fine by me. As long as you let me make you some toast before you slept, I was happy.

But before I could even feed you, you thrust a tiny purple box in my face. It contained a beautiful heart-shaped amethyst surrounded by tiny diamonds. Though the delivery wasn’t the most romantic, I was still breathless from its beauty. I knew it wasn’t real right away, but I hope you know that sort of thing doesn’t matter to me. It’s very beautiful, and it is the symbolism of your promise to me, and mine to you, that we will forever only be each others’. The rest of that week together was amazing, and it left me only wanting you more.

Since you left to go back to Kentucky, I’ve been a total wreck. Just a passing thought of your name can make me cry. But don’t be upset! It’s only because I love you so much and can’t be with you right now. But we’ll have this summer together, and someday soon, we won’t ever have to be apart again.

I also took my first pregnancy test(s) this month. I guess since we’re both still kind of new at this sex thing, we’re going to keep freaking out every time my period is late. But we’re careful, and my period eventually came, so there’s no drama. I don’t want a baby right now, and neither do you, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to hold out until I’m 30 like I say I want to. I’ve discovered a new appreciation for just how adorable chubby little baby legs are, thanks to all these damn mom blogs.

Last month we talked a lot about the distant future: what our wedding would be like, what we’d name our future children. A lot of this month has been spent discussing what we’ll do in the more immediate future, like after this summer, and when I graduate. I know I keep changing my mind about what I want to do after college, and I have no doubt I’ll change it a hundred times more. The one thing that’s consistent, though, is that I’m going to make sure you’re by my side no matter what I choose to do. I can’t say I’m not excited at the thought of you moving into my bedroom at the end of August, even if I won’t be there to enjoy it. There’s just something about knowing you’d be sleeping on my bed, under my blankets, and bonding with my family that makes me feel really good inside.

You want me to follow my dreams. I know that to do that, I should stay in New York after I graduate. So right now, the plan is for you to come up there with me next May. I’d love to live in our own home, and maybe that could still happen someday, instead of having to rent. I think the thought of building a house has excited you a little bit, even though you don’t like people to know when you’re excited about anything.

This month you’ve helped me realize that I can’t plan every piece of my future at once. I can only take it one day at a time. I can’t even cheat and take it one month at a time like I’d prefer, because my mind is always changing and it’s too exhausting to make so many plans that are never executed. So right now, my plan is to finish up this semester and come home to you, because that is the only thing I know for certain right now. I miss you more than I’ve ever missed another person, and I can’t thank you enough for letting me know what it feels like to be in love.

Forever and ever,

Michelle

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