To keep true to my personal beliefs, I will now share a slightly embarrassing and entirely disturbing incident from the very recent past that will make you feel better about your own abnormalities.

If you didn’t already know, my fiance Josh and I were each others’ firsts. Our first time was January of this year. Well, for my part, it didn’t hurt at all - which surprised me. And I didn’t bleed until the second time, and even then, it was only a tiny bit. But who was I to complain?

Then I went to the gynecologist a couple of weeks ago for my first pap smear. Everything felt fine afterward, and our next session of coitus was as enjoyable as ever. But then we had an oopsie and there was Plan B involved and we decided to wait until I got my first Depo-Provera shot to be intimate again.

After the shot, we started getting busy again. But this time, it felt different for me. It didn’t exactly hurt… it was more like a chafing feeling. And the next morning it still felt weird when I flexed (you know, the kegel exercise). The next night we did it again, and I had the same chafing feeling. Afterward, there was a little blood. Then Josh told me he felt a weird skin flap-type thing fairly deep inside my vulva, something soft and fleshy. I had no idea what it could be.

Then I went to, you know, clean myself up. Well, while I was in the bathroom, I noticed a very unusual discharge on the palm of my right hand. Except it wasn’t really discharge. It was a brownish-red color, with tiny darker dots throughout and more clear edges. It didn’t smell. When I touched it, it didn’t smear - it was like rubber paste, it just kind of balled up and moved around. I finished cleaning up and went to bed, my vulva still sore.

I woke up the next morning, and as if by magic, I didn’t hurt AT ALL. Not even when I flexed. I decided to talk to my mom about it, because I am fortunate enough to have one of those moms (plus, she’s a nurse). Once I described the chafing feeling and the weird gooey thing on my hand, she made the unofficial diagnosis of Hymen Removal.

Apparently, the time Josh and I had sex after my gyno exam probably knocked the major part of my still-attached hymen loose. So the next couple of times, it continued tearing while it flopped back and forth, causing the uncomfortableness. And that last time, it broke off entirely (hence the blood). And that thing on my hand?

That was the remains of my hymen.

I feel privileged. I mean, not every girl gets to play with her hymen in her hands before it’s gone for good.

I almost wish I’d taken a picture.

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