Dear Josh,

Being home the last couple of months has been total heaven. I’ve been able to see you, live and in person, whenever I have the urge. And there has not been a day gone by this summer that I did not want to see you. And, even better, I can tell you always want to be with me. I can’t tell you enough how good that makes me feel.

The first few weeks of the summer were filled with blissful hours of nothing. I have always been the kind of person that had to constantly work, plan, make to-do lists. But with you… Well, I never thought I could enjoy doing nothing as much as I do with you. When we’re sitting on the couch together watching TV, or lying in the bed, I am completely at peace. My mind isn’t racing, wondering what it is I should be doing to be more productive. Somehow, I feel I am accomplishing something much greater simply by being next to you.

Even though we don’t plan on being married for a couple years (May 2010, if I have any say in it!), my mother and sister - and, okay, me too - have already begun certain wedding preparations. We have a budget. I have a theme (fairy tale romance) and colors (white, mauve, and black accents). I’ve planned our honeymoon (six nights at the Hilton in Cancun). I always try to backtrack and say, “Hey, honey, I know I already typed this in the Excel file, but what do you think?” And you always just smile and nod and say it sounds great. And I love you for that.

We’ve talked about money. You know I want to save a down payment for a house before we get married, so that when we do come back from Cancun, we don’t have to return to my mother’s house or your house shared with Bobby. I want us to truly start our lives together when we get married. And I know you know that means finding a different job, one you can move up in. But if picking your nose for nickels on the street makes you infinitely happy, then I’d love to be poor with you, as long as you’re smiling. But I feel you want the same things I do, which includes a nice house and children. And we have to be able to afford these things. And I am happy to wait patiently while you figure out what it is you want to do, and are willing to do, to get them.

On that note, I started a job for the summer as well. Since I started working, I haven’t been able to see you as much, and it kills me a little every day I have to work. Much of the time I see you, you’re asleep - naked as a jaybird. I don’t mind. I love hearing the change in your breathing and watching you roll around under my purple leopard print comforter. And then I kiss you and you subconsciously hug me and I say “See you in the morning” before I head off to work. These moments are so much sweeter than I could’ve imagined.

The one hiccup in all this happiness was when I realized that you’ve formed a habit of telling me tiny, white lies. It’s happened a couple times before, and then it happened again when your brother let it slip that you used to smoke when you were 14. And I had asked you specifically before if you’d ever smoked, and you’d said No. I just wanted to know why you would lie about something so small. You said it was because you thought it didn’t matter since you don’t do it anymore. And that’s true - but I don’t want you to lie about those things. I want to know all your faults and mistakes, because whether you know it or not, I love you more with each one I discover. Because it makes me realize how much we really are alike.

Forever and ever,

Michelle

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