Bias = finding hidden meaning

I spent most of yesterday kicking sadness’s ass. It was a long, hard fight. I cried a lot. Almost, literally, the entire day; I managed to hold back whenever people could see me, since I had to go out into public to dub some audio and video for a color sync I’m working on. I cried on the phone with Josh, but I’m not sure if he could tell. I don’t like it when people around me know I’m crying. I get really red and puffy, so I get embarrassed. I don’t want to be seen. And I especially don’t want to talk about “it,” the reason I’m crying, because I can only cry harder before I even attempt to get any words out.

Oddly enough, I do feel better now. Today is a new day. And, I lightened my work load last night because as I started to sift through footage I was given for a music video, I realized that the producer must’ve been playing a prank on me as the footage was SO INCREDIBLY SHITTY and I e-mailed him, asking him what he wanted me to actually do with it. I was very blunt with what I thought. He replied half a second later (I’m not joking) saying only “No worries, good luck.” So I’m down to three editing projects right now - my own film, the other color sync, and an ongoing series of internet shorts.

There is a movie I didn’t bring with me this semester that I wish I had. See, it’s good to have something you can turn to when you’re feeling really shitty - something you know will help pick you back up. Yesterday, I kept thinking about this movie, Elizabethtown. My current permanent address is Vine Grove, but Elizabethtown is where I grew up. So of course, I was biased to like the movie from the start (it is actually set in my hometown, though they didn’t actually shoot much there). Plus, I like Cameron Crowe.

I know the movie got some pretty bad reviews. But I like it, not just because of the memories it conjures of my home state, but because of the themes of the film. One of the big ones is this: It’s okay to fail. Everybody fails. Failing sucks. But it’s not the end of your life. If you fail, you have to remember: At least you tried.

And that always makes me feel better. Especially when a lot of the people in my life EXPECT me to fail. Not that I’ve failed in a technical way, recently, but sometimes, I do feel like a failure as a human.

To quote the movie:

“Stick around, and make ‘em wonder why you’re still smilin’.”

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