Once upon a time, a young woman named Michelle broke up with her boyfriend of three years when she realized she hadn’t fallen in love with him. She began to question whether she was capable of romantic love, or if it even existed. She intelligently swore off marriage and children, resolving to a life of selfish indulgences and unattached affairs, and especially eschewing any future long-distance relationships.

Then a love bomb exploded in her face. She was forever scarred.

… Hello. I’m Michelle. I’m 20 years old. I’m engaged to an awkwardly adorable boy named Josh. Since meeting in the summer of 2007, we’ve realized we were meant to be together and have fallen in love. Of course, this was all against my better judgment. Josh has completely ruined me. Our relationship is long-distance while I’m away at university. This sucks balls, of course, but he’s worth the wait. If it was forever long-distance, then HELL NO he wouldn’t be worth it. No man would be worth that. But our time apart will be a drop in the bucket compared to a life together.

I am a film student, online corporation owner, and slacker extraordinaire. I spend my free time trying to find ways to make money without actually doing anything, and have finally succeeded. Hence, film school and Google ads.

Since about birth, I constantly stated that I would never be married and I would never have children. I was an independent woman, and I needed no man to carry me. When I met Josh, and fell in love for the first time, I realized that I just wouldn’t want those things until I found the right person. Now I actually have goals in my life worth having (as opposed to owning a Volkswagen Beetle Convertible or having sex with Orlando Bloom). I can’t wait to marry Josh. I can wait to have children… but I am now quite excited to make babies with Josh in the future. And not just because of the baby-making process. Which is quite fun in and of itself.

My current life goals are as follows:

1. get him to propose
2. graduate college
3. get married
4. buy a house
5. have children
6. see children live to 18
7. retire a rich granny

I have no idea where a career in filmmaking fits into any of this. So don’t ask me why I’m in film school, because at this point, I don’t know.

I have been blogging somewhere or the other online since 1999. I’ve had “fans” come and go, all of whom are appreciated. This particular blog is intended to track my journey through life with Josh and our future children. I know you think I’m crazy, and you’d put money on the idea that we’re going to break up before we even get married. All I have to say is, wait and see, fuckers. (But just in case something goes awry, I also blog about my daily life, getting through film school, and how to properly remove European light bulbs from their sockets [HINT: you do not unscrew them!]. Just in case.)

I like romantic comedies, pop rock, unhealthy foods, feminine magazines, and sunshine pouring through the window blinds on a summer day. I spend most of my online time reading blogs by SAHMs to prepare myself for the future, and catching up on movie, TV, and music video news. I have debilitating obsessions with The Nightmare Before Christmas, Tinkerbell, anything Harry Potter, and monkeys. I have a tattoo of a cuddly stuffed monkey wearing a chef’s coat and beret, holding a stack of pancakes and smiling, on my leg. We should hang out sometime.

You can e-mail me at michelle AT retardedinlove DOT com.