I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of days about Josh moving to New York. And I think I’ve decided against it.

About 24 hours after our first discussion of him moving in, my sanity returned. I’d been looking at apartments and sublets and potential jobs for Josh online, and I became utterly overwhelmed. I realized we couldn’t move into an apartment without seeing it first, which meant we’d have to spend an obscene amount of money either on a hotel or subletting with total strangers. And then, I finally started to think about what I really wanted.

I’ve spent over $100,000 in the past three years to go to NYU, and I have another $35,000 to go for next year. I do love film, I love working in pictures and editing. And being able to work in the film industry used to be my main priority. But since I’ve fallen in love with Josh, my priority in life is having and raising a family with him. And even before I met Josh, I’d started to realize that even though I couldn’t wait to escape Kentucky to go to school in the big city, I now have an equal love for the two settings. But Kentucky is where I grew up, where all my (and Josh’s) family is.

So when I graduate, I would rather move back to Kentucky where Josh and I can start our family. Personally, I think it’s a much better setting for raising children than New York City would be. When our kids are grown, if we want, Josh and I can always move back up to the city. But for now, that’s not where my heart is. I don’t know what I’ll be able to do with a film degree in Kentucky, but I know I’ll figure something out.

So there’s no point in Josh moving up to New York this fall if we’re both going to turn right around next summer and move back. I know he’d certainly rather live somewhere more rural or suburban, and be close to his family, even if he’d go wherever I want to. It’s going to be painful to be apart for two more semesters, but I’ll scrounge up every last penny I have to to fly home and visit him. And after the next year or so, we won’t have to be apart anymore.

Typing this all out, I almost feel crazy again. This is all a far cry from the “perfect” life I’d originally envisioned for myself, even just a short eight months ago. But dreams change, I guess, with the right inspiration.

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I have just had what was quite possibly the most disappointing morning of my entire life.

I got up at 7:30AM, got in the shower, washed my hair, cleared my upper lip, chin, stomach, ass, legs, and feet of all visible hair, lotioned up, put on a little makeup, put on my favorite shirt, grabbed my bag with my camera, and walked the ten minutes to Trinity College. I waited at the AirCoach bus stop for about 45 minutes, no Josh yet. So I went in the Spar across the street and spent 2.70 Euro on two donuts so I could sit in the window and be warm while I waited for the bus holding Josh to arrive.

I text Josh, tell him to text me when he gets on the bus, so I know when to expect him for sure.

“Ok”

“Are you doing ok?”

“Yes im in chicago”

You see what’s happening.

“I thought you were going to be in Dublin at 830???”

“Tomorrow my flight was delayed 3 hours and they moved it tonight at 7:20″

“:’(”

“I love you! I will be there soon”

“Tomorrow morning is not soon enough”

“it will have to do”

“I love you. Be safe.”

And thus began the longest ten-minute walk back to my apartment as I fought the urge to cry and hit random pedestrians with my backpack as they walked past me. I am going to do nothing all day today just to spite the world. I mean, the world has just robbed me of a precious 24 hours with my favorite person in it. Dammit.

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Josh is on his way to the airport in Indianapolis. My mind is so frazzled with joy I can’t really do anything productive. I can only stare blankly at the TV, or my computer, or my crotch, or whatever I happen to be facing.

The weird part is, I’m all nervous about seeing him again. Obviously, we are going to have sex like whoa. But we didn’t start doing it until just a week before I came to Dublin. So since that first wonderful week, I’ve had two months away from him to build up all the same old anxieties I had before about being naked in front of him. And all that other stuff that happens when you’re naked. I realize it sounds cheesy, but being apart for so long is going to make this time together feel like our first time all over again. We didn’t really get a chance to fall into a groove yet last time, and we won’t get to this time, either, since he’s only going to be here five days. So that means when I go home for the summer, I’ll probably be all nervous again the first time we do it.

So in the morning I will go through the same basic routine I did before our first time together of making sure everything is fresh and clean and hairless (for the most part - don’t get me started on the waxing fiasco of four weeks ago). Of course, I’m sure that after we do it once when he gets here, I’ll be as comfortable with him as I was right before I left for Dublin. We’ve just got to brush off the cobwebs that have collected the last two months.

I realize that sounded a bit gross, as if my vagina has eight-legged creatures spinning away inside it. I’m pretty sure this is not the case, but you know what I mean.

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Friday evening, Josh is going to get on a plane to fly across the Atlantic Ocean from Indianapolis to Dublin. He’ll arrive Saturday morning. All to see little old me. It is quite possibly the best belated Valentine’s gift I’ve ever been given.

He’s making jokes about what’s going to happen when he gets here. Of course, most of them are probably true.

“How long is the elevator ride up to your apartment?”

“It’s just three floors up, so don’t get any ideas.”

“Okay.. How far from the elevator to your room?”

“All the way to the end of the hall.”

“So it’ll be a mad dash to the door?”

Yes, yes it will. And then we will have to sexile my roommate if she hasn’t left for her flight to Amsterdam or wherever yet. And then it will be five full days of sex, interspersed with food, movies, and a small amount of sightseeing. But really, going to museums or trying new cuisines isn’t the way to build a solid relationship, like everyone has told you. When it’s long-distance, the best way to get closer is by boning. That’s how I feel a connection.

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